All Souls

Dear Brutus,

Thank you so very much for your letter which I received the other day. For a young man of just 6 years old, you certainly write terrific letters and I was jolly impressed. If I were your teacher I would give you a gold star, the day off school and a McDonald's voucher.

I was very sorry to hear about your grandfather dying. Understandably you are very sad about this and I shall do my best to answer some of the excellent questions that you have asked.

The first question that I want to answer is… “Is it wrong to cry?” No, it is not wrong to cry. It is never wrong or sinful or wicked to cry. You may want to try to choose where and when you cry, but it is certainly not wrong to cry. It is a very helpful thing to shed a few tears and if you can do that with someone who cares about you, then you will find that while it is a painful and maybe an embarrassing thing, it can actually be a very special, empowering moment as you share this special time together. If you are in any doubt about my answer, remember that Jesus cried very loudly, like a big fluffy roaring lion, when his good buddy Lazarus died. People close by talked about it and said that it showed how much Jesus loved his friend. So if you feel that sadness welling up inside you then just go and get a big handful of tissues and have a jolly good sob.

In answer to your next question

Why did the coffin get incense and holy water? These are gestures of farewell, a mark of respect for your grandfather. They are some of the finest symbols we can offer. The holy water reminds us that Baptism made your Pa a member of Christ and an heir to eternal life. The incense reminds us that the Holy Spirit made his body the temple of God’s glory to be raised up with Christ on the day of resurrection. I also like to think of the incense as our prayers rising up to heaven. You can’t actually touch prayers the same way you can touch this letter in your hand, but prayers are just as real as incense
Why have a funeral when Grandpa is already dead? Good golly gosh Brutus, you ask such great questions. We have a funeral and often we have communion when someone has died, as our way of praying for the person who we love. People can also call it other things like celebrating a life, and remembering the good times, but the first thing and most important thing we do for someone who has died is pray for them. We ask God to take them to heaven and to enjoy them just as we enjoyed Pa on this side of the grave. We can say Thank you to God because you knew Pa your whole life. Your Pa lived a very long time and gave you a lot of love as well as the odd Freddo frog and packet of jelly beans. So there is much to be grateful for.
Why did Mum light a candle for Pa?
Lighting a candle for someone we love is one of the very best things we can do. The candle stands for the light of Jesus whose light never goes out. It reminds us even when we feel a bit dark and gloomy Pa still shines brightly because he is close to God.
The candle is a good thing to focus on when our mind is a bit wobbly at this difficult time. Its light is often very reassuring when we need to be comforted and to hang onto things that are simple and yet they are things we don’t quite understand.
Where is Grandpa now? It is true that you cannot see Grandpa in the way that you did when he was at the nursing home having a cup of tea and watching cartoons on TV. The answer to your question is that the Pa you knew, enjoyed and loved has gone to be with God who we kind of see (especially at the Bread and wine service we call Eucharist) and yet we don’t really see. Sometimes God can seem very close and sometimes he seems very distant. So too with Pa now. Sometimes you will remember him and the time you went fishing together or how he told you that naughty story and you will smile and He will seem very close. God is also a bit like that. We remember what he taught us, or something he did and we sense Him. At other times when we really need him … we can’t seem to find Him at all.
Your Pa had great faith in God and God loves Him very much so they are very close together now. Much closer than they were when your Pa was alive and you could talk to him.
Will you ever see Pa again? My answer is Yes. For people like you and me, your Mum and Dad, the folk who come to Church on Sunday we believe that the funeral is not the last time we see the person we love. Jesus died but after that he became alive again in a new and exciting way. That is what has happened to your Pa. It is the life he is living. It is also the life that we will live when we die (although hopefully that won’t be for a long time) So at a funeral we don’t say Goodbye, I’m sorry I will never see you again. We say Thank you and …we will see you there.